And so it begins...

I have decided to publish my works in a chronological pattern and this short story is the first work that I have written. I hope that you will like it.

The Question

We were walking on a narrow, curving path through the summer woods. It was a hot, blood-boiling day and the noon sun shone severely above our heads. The trees were silent for there was no wind and the only noise that I could hear was from our footsteps and from the occasional singing of the birds. My leg ached and I was starting to think that maybe I had done a big mistake by offering to come here with her. I thought a little and reached the conclusion that the more important thing is that I’m here, with her and I shouldn’t mind the leg.

It all started two days ago. She told me that in the weekend she will go to the forest, to seek some answers. I asked her what answers she expected. She didn’t answer and in my opinion she didn’t even know the questions. She was confused. After that I asked her if she would go alone and she answered that she didn’t need anyone. Then, even though my leg was still recovering because I had broken it about a month ago, I offered to come with her. At first she refused because of my broken leg but after a couple of minutes she agreed that it would be nice to have someone with her to protect her should something happen.

This is how we wound up here, in the silent lifeless forest on a path so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. I walked behind her, her scent filling my nostrils. Oh, what a wonderful scent it was! I felt like I could recognize it anywhere and as a matter of fact I did. As soon as she entered a room that I was in I could feel it and I knew that she was there even though I could not see her and I was happy. It reminded of a dream that I had with her. We were in a car. I looked at her. She was so beautiful, her smile shining like the morning sun, her eyes glittering like distant stars. Suddenly we were not in a car anymore; we were on an empty white plane and all I could see was her and whiteness as a background. I reached out to her and I held her close and I kissed her. The whole world was gone, I and she were the only ones left and it didn’t matter because I had her and she had me and we were together. I know it was just a dream but it was so realistic that I thought it was a memory.

“Watch out with that branch” she said.

“What…”  I had begun to say, when suddenly I felt a sharp pain on the left of my head, just above the eye.

“You silly, I told you to watch out” she smiled at me.

“I know, but I was a little distracted.”

“Distracted by what?”

“The forest, the songs of the birds” I had no courage to tell her my true feelings.

She smiled at me again and started walking. I went after her following the same line of thought as before, hoping that there were no more branches down the road. I was watching her beautiful body and I was wondering why do girls always find flaws in themselves. From the moment she enters a room I cannot keep my eyes off her. She’s perfect, she’s mesmerizing, but she always finds some meaningless flaws in herself. From my point of view these so called flaws are parts of the whole, of the perfection that she is. From her point of view she’s imperfect, even more, she thinks she’s ugly. She always says that something’s too big or something’s too small. I don’t understand this, but I guess that the thing that matters is that to me, she’s perfect, despite her flaws, maybe even because of them.

“I think I see a field in the distance” she said joyfully.

“Finally, I thought that we will never get out of this forest.”

We reached the field. It was enormous, the size of a small town. The forest surrounded it from all sides. There were no signs that human beings have ever been in this place. It was so peaceful and beautiful and green, just like Eden as I imagine it. It was full of flowers and you could hear the bees buzzing among them gathering nectar, working. There was a little stream with crystal-clear water. Around it were gathered a couple of small deer, playing in the fine grass while their mothers lay watching them. Up in the sky the birds were like small dark dots. I felt tears rushing in my eyes. What a wonderful picture, unsullied by the likes of me. I could feel that she too was awed.  Her mouth opened, her eyes sparkling with joy, her face more beautiful than ever.

“What is that?” she pointed at a small figure in the distance.

“Let’s check it out.”

As we went closer we saw the strangest of all things that I had ever seen. The figure was a man, dressed in a black tuxedo, sitting on a desk. He was sitting with his back towards us. When we were no more than a few steps away from him, he turned around, stood up from the chair and took off his bowler hat. He was like darkness incarnate. His hair, falling to his shoulders, was blacker than a crow’s feather, his eyes like two black holes, infinitely deep and all-consuming. When he looked at me I felt the urge to go near him, to embrace him, to be a part of him and when I looked at his eyes I felt the coldness of my grave and I started shivering as if I were naked in the middle of the winter. He had no beard but that somehow made him look even more menacing. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Her nails made wounds in my flesh, but it didn’t matter. I could feel the fear that this stranger had instilled within her. Suddenly I felt fear too. Fear that I would lose her. No, I couldn’t give in to fear. I had to be strong for her or else I would lose her. She needed someone with courage, but it was so hard to be courageous against a man who represented darkness.

“Hello, my friends! I have expected you to come and you didn’t disappoint” said the ominous stranger with a voice that sounded like it had come from some frozen hell.

“You have expected us?”

“The book said that you would have questions. It also said that you would be here at this time of the day. It is never wrong.”

This was the first time that I looked at the desk. The only thing that was on it was a rusty book, old as the universe. Around it was wrapped a rusty chain with a lock in the shape of a gate. On the cover of the book there was an obituary. When I looked closer I saw that person on the picture was the stranger. It said that he was born in the beginning and that he had died at the end. I felt chills crawling up my back.

The stranger took the book and touched the lock thus unlocking it. I noticed how fine the pages were. There were more than a billion pages per millimeter, thinner than electrons and every page was an obituary of people long dead, people still living and people not even born.  Suddenly the stranger stopped turning the pages. I saw my obituary and on the next page I saw hers. My heart stopped, my sweat turned cold and tears started rushing in my eyes like prisoners wanting to escape for I hadn’t cried for a long time. The obituaries said that we would die this day. Her hand squeezed mine even harder, but then it let go and I realized that she was calm, she had accepted death. She looked the stranger in the eyes defiantly and said:

“So, I guess that you are…”

“Death, yes! Some call me that. Others call me The Cold Wind from the Future, The Taker of Lives, The Wise One, The Separator or The Reunitor, it depends. I personally prefer to be called The Stranger, because most of you don’t understand me and my purpose, even after I release your immortal soul from its physical prison. I’m a servant of Life and a giver of Love.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Release our poor, punished spirits. Give us eternal pleasure, oh, Giver of Love and Taker of It. Who are we to question your eternal, omnipotent, omniscient authority?”

How could she talk to him that way? I was standing in front of him, petrified, unable to utter a single word, and there she was, standing next to me, mocking Death.

The Stranger just smiled, unmoved by her one-man rebellion.

“I like you, you’re a fighter. I haven’t freed your soul yet because you have unanswered questions in your mind. I’m going to let you ask me one. Choose it wisely.”

 “I w-w-want to a-a-ask a quest-t-tion too” I said.

“And why should I let you?”

“I think that I deserve it. I have unanswered questions too. I went through a lot these last few years. I just believe that I deserve to receive some answers before I die.”

“OK. You can ask me a question too” he sighed. “Think for a while and when you are ready, ask.”

In the next few minutes my mind was like a big assembly of weird questions, none of which relevant enough, wise enough, meaningful enough. I can imagine that her mind was the same. I could feel that The Stranger was growing restless. I had to find a question quickly.

“Would you ask your questions now? Even though I am Eternity I still am a slave to time.”

I searched hurriedly through my mind again, but I could not find a worthy question, but I had to ask something and I did.

“Why?” we said the word simultaneously, in unison.

The Stranger grinned at us. His face was joyful. I never could have imagined that a face like his could be joyful.

 “A wonderful question, oh, what a wonderful question indeed. I shall answer it with utmost pleasure.”

Suddenly the field disappeared and there was nothing, just whiteness. It reminded me of my dream and then I was in my dream. I could see us kissing. I felt the blood rushing through my body.

“What is the meaning of this?” I shouted. “Where is my answer? I don’t understand anything. I don’t understand my life.”

The figures disappeared, like fine grains of sand blown away by the sea breeze. Another scene took its place. I saw us again, sitting next to each other, talking. I could look in the mind of my image and feel the emotions that I felt back then. The excitement, the love and the pleasure that I felt every time I talked to her. Then I realized that I could see in her mind too. I felt her emotions and they made me whimper.

“Where is the love? Where is the love? Where is the love?” what started as a whisper became a shout.

 Finally, I found it, but it was so small, negligible, just a spark. I got the hold of it and started to stretch it. I wanted to make it bigger, to change the past, to change my life. If only I knew how to win her love. My hands started to grow weary from the strain, but I kept on trying, I had to try, even though it was impossible. Impossible seems easy when you are in love and so I kept on trying. A minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year, infinity. Infinity was brief, fatigue was nothing.

The memory disappeared, like the dandelion clock when you blow it. Another memory took its place.

We were talking to each other, but this time on the phone. This was the beginning. Back then I was confused, drunk. At this moment I started to think, to explore my emotions. During the following days I started going deeper and deeper into my mind. I had never gone so deep before. This was the time when I found my love for her. A love that would keep me awake for numerous nights after this moment, a love that I just couldn’t give up.

I confessed my love that night, but she didn’t take me seriously. Who would take a drunken man’s words seriously? The truth is that until that night even I didn’t know that I loved her. The revelation came to me when I got sober. I was thinking about what I had done, whether the things that I had said were true and I realized that they were true. I really loved her. It all started as a spark and ended up being a fire so big it concealed the sun.

Many times after that I wanted to tell her that I love her while being sober, but I was too scared, scared that this would ruin everything, that she would hate me or even worse, laugh at me or just say nothing. I was afraid that she would never want to speak to me again.

This bittersweet memory disappeared like the winter snow melting in the spring sun. Another memory took its place, a memory that I had dreaded. A memory so devastating and yet so beautiful that I didn’t know whether to cry or to smile.

We were hugging after a disaster. I couldn’t feel my legs, I couldn’t feel my heart, the last dying power that I had in me was put into holding my tears inside of at least another minute, until she goes inside, so that she doesn’t see them.

Even though I could enter the thoughts of her replica I didn’t want to. I was afraid of what I could find or not find there. I knew that I couldn’t change anything and that’s why I focused on my replica.

She entered and I could finally start to cry. It was raining and the rain soon mixed with my tears and made them unnoticeable. Brokenhearted I started walking home. I recalled the words that she had said just moments before. They were made to comfort me, but somehow they made me even sadder.

“I know that someday you will find someone who loves you” she had said.

Does it matter? Does it matter that someone loves you when you don’t love them back, you can’t love them back. I’m not searching for someone who loves me; I’m searching for someone who I love.

I kept on walking, thinking about her, coming up with answers to her words, answers that sadden me even more. The best day of my life had become the worst. It’s terrifying, the power of a couple of words on a person’s soul.

The memory disappeared like a shattered mirror, the shards falling on my feet, cutting them and bleeding me out. I woke up on the field.

“Do you have the answers?” asked The Stranger.

Did I have them? I thought. Why? Why? Suddenly it was all clear to me.

WHY? Why do we suffer? Why do we exist? Why are we happy? Why are we sad? Because of the ones we love, because of the ones who love us. Because of the ones close to us and those far away from us. Because of the ones that are like us and those that are completely different from us. Because happiness is not always where you want it to be. Because as human beings we are affectionate but refusing, understanding but unresponsive, devoted but selfish. Because words are nothing unless they come from your own mouth and feelings are not substantial unless they are mutual.

“Yes, yes, I have it.”

“I have it too” she said.

I looked at her and I saw that she looked at me differently. There was something in her eyes that I had never noticed before. I wondered what she saw as an answer to her question.

“Good” said The Stranger. “I’m going to make you an offer. I can alter the book a little and make one of you another sixty years. You chose who.”

He grinned and I felt like Ulysses gazing in the mouth of Scylla. Then I took a step forward and shouted passionately:

“Take me. Oh, please take me and leave her. I cannot live without her and I would rather die than live even another second knowing that I could have saved her.”

To my surprise, she did the same thing.

“Take me,” she said with her soft, tender voice. ”for I too cannot live without this man by my side.”

At this moment I loved her more than ever, more than any other man who has ever loved a woman. I loved her so much that my heart burst from happiness and my soul was finally free. That is when a most interesting thing happened. Even though The Stranger was calling it, my soul refused to go to him. He smiled kindly at it.

“Have it your way then, little spirit. You have proven your love for the first time in my eternal lifetime a spirit has refused to take the freedom that I offer. Very well, little soul, I grant you imprisonment. Who am I to stand in the way of real love, after all I AM love, in a fashion.” he said this and then he was gone.

I woke up, with my head in her lap, her tears falling on my face. She was staggered when I opened my eyes.

“I thought you were dead.”

“Well, I guess your tears must have brought me back.”

“Yeah, right, did you make a deal with him?”

“No, I just refused to follow. I loved you too much.”

“I love you too.”

She bended downward and I felt her soft, loving lips on mine.

“What did you see? What made you fall in love with me so suddenly?” I asked when our lips departed.

“I saw you see what you saw and the way you acted.”

We stood there for the rest of the afternoon, in the middle of the field, looking at the beauty that surrounded us, kissing and caressing each other until the time came for us to go home.

“I’m glad that none of us died, but I would still be happy to see what heaven is like.” She said to me when we got up.

I smiled and told her.

“You can still see heaven, just not their heaven. This, this here,” I pointed at the earth. “this is our heaven.”

I took her hand and we started for home. Every time that I had touched her hand before, my hand trembled. Now, for the first time, I felt her hand tremble too.